Oh man. Would I hate to be any other smart phone manufacturer (not to mention mp3 player manufacturer). It’s always a bad sign when one of your competitors in a given field invents a device that gets heralded as the new noun for whatever products you make. Just ask Replay TV (who lost to Tivo, cmon, everyone has referred to tivo-ing something regardless of their brand of dvr). Or the folks who competed with the formidable George Foreman Grill.

Now consider Apple, the only company to brand an mp3 player so successfully that it’s name becomes more entrenched in vernacular then does its genre. It is literally the only name your grandma can think of when asked about music devices (maybe grandparent knowledge is the real litmus test). My grandma actually knew of “Snoop Doggy Dogg” the other day, thereby signifying that he has, in fact, made it as a rapper. The only question left is, will the name iPhone replace “smart phone” to describe the niche in the communication device industry? Only time will tell.

Just as Apple must predict what the right amount of iPhones to have on location at each AT&T and Apple Store, wireless companies other than AT&T are collectively defecating in their clothing just trying to accurately forecast the loss of business expected in the smart phone demographic. Sprint’s version of damage control, standardized talking points to convince customers considering leaving to stay on board, come off as comedy. So conveniently, here are 14 jokes from Sprint (Thanks AppleInsider):

• “Using the iPhone on the GSM/EDGE network may be like having a really powerful computer on dial up.”
• “Whether you want music, email, web surfing or business files, our phones will download everything faster.”
• “Concerned about coverage? I think you’ll see that we are comparable or better than all other carriers. Let me show you the map on our Power Network Coverage Tool to verify your coverage area.”
• “We have many handsets that are MP3 players.”
• “You want to have music with your phone? Let me show you the new Upstage or the Fusic II.”
• “Any music phone from Sprint lets you download songs instantly – out of thin air.”
• “Are you sure 4G or 8G is enough storage for you? To give you a comparison, most iPods/MP3 players hold 40 to 60Gigs or more.”
• “The Upstage takes external mini-disks for unlimited storage.”
• “Sure we have less expensive phones than the iPhone. The MotoQ, for example, is only $79 and is an MP3 player, PDA, camera, mobile internet device, and of course, a phone.”
• “Most current Smartphones have secure email necessary for business functionality. “
• “The iPhone uses Yahoo and Mac email which is not secure. “
• “[iPhone] has a non-replaceable battery. “
• “[iPhone] offers no external storage. “
• “The iPhone is an Apple product and has some nice features. It also has a nice price. Do you really need all those features in one device?”

Sprint also forgot to include:

• “Filet mignon is high in fat. Do you really need all of that taste in one piece of meat?”